Caffeinated Comforts

How I Made My Mornings Mine Again

A gentle guide to reclaiming peace and identity after separation

Life After Divorce: The Quiet Reckoning

There’s a silence that follows separation. Not just in the house, but in your routines. Morning used to be shared, rushed, or shaped by someone else’s rhythm. After divorce, I found myself staring into that quiet, unsure what to do with it. Oh, I had two teenagers that I was going to need to raise on my own. But, IYKYK.

Why Rituals Matter After Divorce

Slowly, I began to rebuild. When I say slowly, I’m talking years. Everyone has their own timetable. If I give advice to someone going through this, it’s to seize the day. Do not let what happened between you and your ex take up too much head space. I was so focused on ensuring my kids lived a somewhat normal life. I worked three jobs so they lived in a house instead of an apartment. I was simply afraid to move on, thinking some grand gesture was going to occur. Guess what, that gesture never came.

No one will spend 100% of their time telling you how to move on. Not even your mother will do that.

Finally, after two years of being paralyzed, I realized I needed to look out for me. Yes, I said me. I know there are those shaking their head and saying, but your kids! Well, guess what I was showing my kids? Yes, I was showing I was a hard worker. I was also showing that I tried my best to be the best Mom. But they also saw the woman who sat in her room every night. She watched Gilmore Girls or Bones reruns to escape. She did this instead of living life. It was time to put my big girl panties on and make something out of myself. So I began to rebuild. Not with that grand gesture, but with small rituals that felt like me, like mine.

Reclaiming Identity Through Small Acts

Ritual 1: The Mug That Held Me

Coffee, I like coffee. There was no way I was going to move forward without having my daily fix. So, I chose a mug that felt good in my hands. Soft edges, a quote that made me smile. It wasn’t just about coffee. It was about starting the day with something that felt like comfort.

This mug became my anchor. It wasn’t just caffeine – it was care.

Ritual 2: Writing Without Judgment

I didn’t find journaling to be profound. I wrote to be present. A few lines each morning, sometimes a gratitude list, sometimes a messy nasty vent. What this did was allow me to hear myself again. When you have been with someone for so long, you almost become a single entity. In my case, afraid to speak up, be myself. But now, now I can.

Ritual 3: Lighting Intention

I lit a candle each morning. Not just for scent, but for symbolism. That flame meant focus. It meant I was choosing to show up for myself. It provided a way to meditate without having to sit down cross-legged.

Ritual 4: Nurturing My Skin

Skincare became sacred. Here I was, living life after 50. Believe it or not, I was realizing for the first time that I had wrinkles, frown lines, and crow’s feet. I started with a gentle cleanser and a face cream that smelled like citrus. I would look at myself in the mirror during this ritual, and say, “You’re still here. You still matter.”

Ritual 5: Sound that Softens

That alarm clock had to go! Well, you know what I mean. That jolting ring that emanated from your phone when it was time to get going. I swapped it out with soft playlists. I let music guide me into the day. It felt like reclaiming rhythm – on my terms. After doing this a few times, it dawned on me, music had been missing in my life. Think about it.

What I’d Tell the Woman Still Waiting for a Gesture

The comeback isn’t loud. It’s quiet. It’s intentional.

It’s a mug, a pen, a flame. It’s choosing yourself in the smallest way until it feels natural again.

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